HEY GUYS PREEMPTIVE BADWAGONNIN' IT
luchador, hero
kingvathek
I know that in like two months everyone's going to be talking about how incredibly, mind-blowingly brilliant Avery Edison's stuff has gotten over the last few weeks (she used to be the funniest blogger and is now the funniest person, you know, like how Anthony Harris went from being the funniest comic-writer to the funniest person a few years ago; sorry you got beat Nedroid!!!) so I would like to know observe that, holy crap, she's hit the perfect melancholy/comedy masterpiece level Richard Pryor aimed for with his TV show. Avery Edison has out-done the greatest stand-up artist of all time.

What do you mean, I exaggerate? Couldn't be. I don't even know how to spell that word.

Anyway I'm linking to this now and everyone knows that I THE GREAT WHATEVER NEWBY WAS HER BIGGEST FAN FIRST

http://averyedison.com/

CHEATING the CHALLENGE
luchador, hero
kingvathek
I WROTE A THING TODAY GUYS with Good Friend and Former Lover the somewhat-anonymous NIK who really ought to be the one writing a blog here due to being, like, actually witty and funny and having stories to tell whereas I just want to get fat off of my own beautiful words.

Palazzo Gnome 12:32 am
(12:32:25 AM):     i must say raffi is an urban folk hero

(12:32:42 AM):     in the children's entertainer districts

(12:32:55 AM):     you know, like bloomfield
dracul disco 12:33 am
(12:33:20 AM):     i've seen so many down on their luck children's entertainers in that town

(12:33:37 AM):     up at 2:30, at ritter's diner, sucking down coffee after coffee

(12:33:41 AM):     sweating it out man
Palazzo Gnome 12:33 am
(12:33:43 AM):     shuffling down the street with their balloon carts, helium lifting what hope cannot
dracul disco 12:34 am
(12:34:08 AM):     trying to bring a smile to the waitress. she won't smile. her lips won't budge.

(12:34:16 AM):     except to say, "ya want more coffee?"
Palazzo Gnome 12:35 am
(12:35:06 AM):     He's tried his entire routine on her, bit by bit, since he started coming.  At first she thought it was cute, this lonely old guy showing her his handkerchief chain, but now the riddles are getting old.
dracul disco 12:35 am
(12:35:42 AM):     all she wants is to go home and sleep. she's been on her feet all day. she doesn't get paid enough for this.
Palazzo Gnome 12:36 am
(12:36:18 AM):     She knows he's running out of riddles, and only two conclusions are popular when he's finished his set.  He will either ask her the truly unanswerable - "could a beauty like you ever love an old, fat failure like me?" - or he will expire, there in the booth.

(12:37:06 AM):     She thinks she will be relieved it is the latter, but what do you do when a patron passes away?  Do you quietly lift him, carry him to the parking lot for the paramedics?  Do you simply call and allow them to tend to him in the store, disrupting all the diners?

(12:38:17 AM):     She knows the question is inconsequential.  all of the patrons will se what happens, filtered through windows or not.  Still, it is the only question that staves off the tedium of serving him.  "What do you call a bird that's been run over by a lawnmower?"  Shredded tweet.  "Shredded tweet," he tells her.  He did not hear her.  He rarely hears her.
dracul disco 12:40 am
(12:40:04 AM):     One night he comes in, stinking of booze, clown paint halfways on and smeared, and she can't tell if he was putting it on or taking it off. He smells like desperation and failure.
Palazzo Gnome 12:41 am
(12:41:19 AM):     It reminds her of her father.  Perhaps he is her father, she muses.  They fell out touch years ago, more than long enough to forget all of the cues.
dracul disco 12:42 am
(12:42:40 AM):     He is going to die here, she thinks. One day. Is it better than dying in his apartment? At least if he dies in the diner, people might notice.
Palazzo Gnome 12:46 am
(12:46:48 AM):     He's been coming earlier recently.  Staying later.  Presumably he simply hasn't the energy to hustle, or whatever children's entertainers do to get work.  She's never seen him with signs, or she would ask for one to put in her neighborhood.  Or perhaps it's not for lack of energy; perhaps rather he has nowhere to go.  No apartment to return to.  No one to hold him, or tell him someday the children will laugh and applaud.  No one to tell him the way his grows, like a shitty bird's nest, really is funny, the good kind of funny, not depressing or hideous.  No one to tell him anything, only people to ask.  "What is the difference between a llama and a lion?" he asked her last time.  She cannot think of the answer, and dreads the inevitable, miserable denouement.
Palazzo Gnome 12:49 am
(12:49:29 AM):     Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain.  Why is he climbing the mountain?
dracul disco 12:51 am
(12:51:09 AM):     That needs to be read as a spoken word piece, and end on the Captain Kirk thing.

(12:51:17 AM):     Surrealists will love it.
 

Part 5
luchador, hero
kingvathek
When you admit that you is flawed and incomplete and scummy and make it clear to people that you are owning the ignorance inherent to people-hood you might get good responses or bad responses, and some people may even manage to understand why you do this.

When you admit to yourself that you is scummy, you comfort yourself with the pride that you are owning your flaws.

When you lay bare the flaws of another they lack that pride, the defensive shell surrounding the heart of the matter.

So go easy.  Let people retain that pride.

Tell people you love them every day, just in case they die in a horrible accident and you never see them again and Hell exists and they go there and they're miserable for the rest of eternity.  Just in case that happens, an eternity of bad, wouldn't you like to know you gave them that little bit of happiness that comes from the half-second where you believe someone loves you and you deserve love before you remember all of those secret thing that prove you do not deserve their affection and you are living a lie?

Even if you do not love someone, pretend you do.  Sometimes you end up at least tolerating them!  And tolerance is a good thing to have.  Some people do not even have the ability to tolerate their own existence and that is Sad.

Part 4
luchador, hero
kingvathek
I have 3 certainties in life.

1.) People is wonderful things.

People has created lovely arts and adorable crafts.  People hug and people cry and that is fantastic.  People help one another and people love one another so strongly as to sacrifice their lives for people they will never meet.

People has crossed massive seas and existed in a space which is for all intents and purposes nowhere at all.  Up there as down here there is but one constant:

People is all there is to it.

When people meet people, people is all that exists.  People want to know everything about people and tell everything about people because of this need to learn and make their own.  When you know of someone's Tragic Backstory you own them.  They exist in your head.  Of course they are nothing similar in real life to what is in your head but awareness of this is part and parcel of owning human ignorance, which as we have discussed my dear little baby is as rare as it is vital.

When you take and own someone even in a limited capacity it is customary and fair to return it.  Similarly, it is polite to offer yourself first and then take if your bid succeeds.  Owning and being owned are the same.  This proximity to people allows people slight amounts of ownership and after all, if someone takes all of you, even if you get none of them you shall become vital to them and the you that is in them will own them completely.  And when it is reciprocated - shared ownership of owners - that is the most beautiful thing of all.

Because people want to own and understand they give, as gestures of good faith in the hope of a return from someone who notices their virtue.  People give their entire bodies out of Love, the desire to know and own that extends to protecting with their own lives what is precious.  What they cannot own while dead will at least be owned.

People smile at you at the grocery store and people smile at you from the Moon and it is the same smile, the smile that says "Hey!  People!  People is lovely!  I want people to be in my life!"

And yet the more insightful realize how unwise that desire may be.

2.) People is scum.

When you want to make something your own as all people does to all the world you might take a roundabout route.  If you cannot own someone in your head as you do when people is beautiful then you desire to force them inside your head by removing them from outside your head.

People is disgusting.  People is going to lie and cheat and steal and blame and berate and hurt people probably until all people is finally exterminated like the trash we secretly all is.  We deserve to die and only through our deaths shall the Earth, one of my favorites of God's creations, potentially ever recover from the plague of people God wrought upon in for God-knows-what sin.

People does not matter but people insist, again due to the human desire to at least if nothing else claim ownership of all, that people matter.  This is a falsehood.  To murder people is a kindness because the drive to own is so insatiable as to make life unbearably insated.  That is why there arises a desperation to own that will make people do what they would never forgive in a third party, to rape or to harm or to kill or or to steal or to hate.  And always they justify it.

People will watch people kill people and do nothing.  This is not a minority.  Almost all people will do this.  All people will be in a state of mind to do this most of the time, some all of the time.

People don't want to do anything for people because people is too much work.  The logic is, for the sake of ease, people should just let people own them but no people is willing to go to the work of giving themselves to people without assurance that they will be taken and get something in return.  No one wants to give something without reciprocation because people is selfish.  I know, I hate admitting Ayn Rand was kind of right too.

But Ayn Rand was wrong because the end is not to own everything.  The thing about the end is, the end is whatever you want it to be.  That most people want to own and consume and eat and rend and destroy and observe and take everything is not my problem.  That as we discussed this desire can never be satisfied is however a pressing issue that it is best to simply accept because no solution has yet presented itself.

Make your end goal yours however, and you shall avoid the pitfalls of your inherent scummy nature.  The stench of your humanity will become bearable when you acknowledge it.  Mister Rogers believed he had flaws, though few agreed.  Mister Rogers seemed so perfect because he owned his flaws and compensated for them and did not make his end to own but to be as close to perfect as he could for as long as possible.  Think.  Mister Rogers ought to know better than anyone if he had flaws.  And even Christ was tempted.

So the scum is optional or something maybe I suppose possibly in a pinch if you squint.

3.) People is okay I guess.

This drive to consume exists in all of us but the secret is the strength to choose one expression over the other.  If you have a friend who cannot lift a book do you call them weak?  Perhaps you do.  I certainly do.  It is Humorous.  We Have a Good Laugh over it.

But God made this person weak enough to struggle with this book.

And God is a sculptor with powers beyond any people.  God does not imitate, God is actually capable of creating from whole cloth things such as people.  People can make humans but God makes people.  And I do not know for sure but I doubt Ze has ever made humans that was not people, apart from perhaps Hirself that once.

So did God makes humans good or evil, is the question.  Are we the giving and the willingness or the taking and the reluctance?

People justify their misdeeds, because they are scum.  The means by which they justify their own otherwise-unforgivable sins is through the massive though forever tragically incomplete knowledge they have of themselves in comparison to the tiny awareness they have of sinners in foreign bodies.

People know themselves to be okay even while they is doing the taking and the killing and the watching and the waiting and the wasting.  Know or think.

God may have perhaps not made people good or evil so much as people.  God made people people, and people sure is hella people you know.  Some people has been remarkably far along on the scale of good though the stench never diappears completely, and some people never even try deodorant.  The universal trait is that people is people, and people was made from dust and dirt and slime and mucous and semen and grit and spit and dead bugs curled up under your big toe and gross but people was made, and people is going to be people.

i just like it when people who like being living people fight for the ability of people to be living people.  Lots of people like being living people, and they ought to support people being living people.  Those who hate being living people because they have seen the disgusting abominations people is always going to be are exempt although to make their end the end is a bit selfish and scummy.

And the teacher solidified his incomplete thought thus.

I do not know if I love them, but I like them alright.

People is okay I guess.

Part 3
luchador, hero
kingvathek
Know your flaws.

Here's another thing to keep in mind:

People is not that smart.

God is plenty smart, due to knowing everything.  Even Ze stays Hir hand from interfering too openly.

Humans, on the other hand, know a teeny-tiny-teensy-weensy bit of information about the world and act like queens of the cosmos.  They shall tell what to do and you shall do it or suffer the wrath of a million angry glares!

This is because the human instinct is to consume or at least to observe, at times to replicate, at times to customize.  We are like ants scurrying about trying to collect food which surrounds infinitely but our hunger is insatiable.  Every trip for food becomes longer and longer as we carve out tiny caverns of awareness surrounded by immensities of Unknown.  At times we get caught in pockets of trivial knowledge, which is okay.  We are only human.  At the same time, it helps to be able to leave it when you need to.  Some people never leave it.

Because of the human desire to know everything "intelligence" becomes a tremendous marker of pride.  People told by society that they are particularly intelligent become dismissive of other, lesser people without careful efforts to remain sensible about the matter.  People who lack the intelligence that shows on standardized tests comfort themselves with stories of street-smarts, which are of course more useful than long division because people who cannot do long division rarely find themselves having to do it in their day-to-day lives.

Either way, people is going to build fictions that make them superior to people, and there lies the trouble.  Sometimes, people forget that it is fiction.  Sometimes, people begin to reason that because they are better, they ought to show it.  When they show it they become invested in the lie - for when a lie is private who can observe its inconsistencies but the person who benefits either way, from pride or knowledge?

But it is possible to be better than a self-made guru.  Socrates was probably a pretty good fellow and he credited his wisdom to the knowledge that he was a dust mote, exposed to precious little information and capable of understanding or processing even less.

When you stand at the foot of a mountain looking at the climb you must attempt or you will surely die the intimidation of its sheer height is as much of a fraction of the intimidation of how much you do not know as what you know is to how much you must learn.

If you do not know something, be honest!  There may be shame in admitting to mistake but but there is a pride in owning them.  If everyone else thinks you are a moron, at least you are more honest than any of them could hope to be.

If you are not sure of something, it is infinitely wiser to ask someone with more experience or knowledge than to guess or to extrapolate from the natural human state of idiocy which, let's be honest, was accurate for all people even when the term was defined by psychiatric idiots.

People is scum.

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